How do I know?

ahhhhhh...a sigh of relief for the night!

Bella, my beagle mix, hasn't been doing so well the past two days. She has been very lethargic, not eating, or if she does eat getting sick, drinking water but not keeping it down,  and not walking very well. She usually loses food and can hear/smell it from a mile away. I have been worried so much the past two days that I have even feared passing out again. (when we found out Bell has cushing disease I passed out and got a concussion the same night) Last night I couldn't look at  Bella without crying she just looked so miserable. This morning she looked the same. During most of the day when I checked in on her things were still the same. Tonight, God blessed her and I got a text that said she was doing good. She had walked outside to get her bone and then chewed on it. She then wanted to bury it again! Then when I got home and was getting my pizza, she started to beg! I have never been so happy to see her beg. I couldn't resist her painful efforts to jump up on me; she got some pizza tonight. I was able to look at her and NOT cry but I still saw pain in her eyes.

Nobody wants to put their cat or dog to sleep.

I have never not known when it's time to let one go. All of my foster puppies I knew, i just knew when they weren't going to make it. With Bella It's different. But Why?
 Is it because she is my firstest dog ever? Is it because I am selfish? Is it because I keep second guessing myself? Is it because I haven't had enough time? Is it because we didn't spend enough time together for me to know? How am I suppose to know when it's time? How do I know that there is nothing else that will possible help her with out putting her in more pain? How do I know that the people who are telling me there's nothing else to do are right? How do I know?






I don't want to be selfish and not send her to the bridge. But I don't want to be selfish and send her too soon because I can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do and I don't think I ever really will. I love My Bella Abby. How do I know if there really is a heaven that we WILL meet again at. I know she will always be with me in my heart, but It just won't be the same!